Pajolo Cam

i finish the last of the spirit, a bright future ringing in my ears

i lick the final flame, take in sullen songs

floating down airport way

the air yellowing, cheeks damp

i think about the baby maybe conceived

as i watch the first day of school commutes

–

feeling the ache below my gut

the ache, the depression of my eyes

sunken and already tired

i wonder

am i fit to be a mother? reassure

the thought with finality – endings and beginnings

are natural, i think

i’m optimistic and

time is not promised.

i’m satiated in exploring a wonder

–

my regrets forged in never knowing

the hubris has only brought more

more lessons, more love – it’s endless these questions

the precious lives i could have known

i wonder

about the beautiful mistakes that brought me here, too