Pajolo Cam

I wondered what about me deserved this level of lacking communication.

I remember it is me who allows it and always forgives, for I know the intent never was malicious.

I remember it is me who can react and control the situation. I remember my love, overwhelming. I wonder if I patched some love over the holes in this dam of overthinking, will this no longer bother me?

Is it bothering me because I deserve better? Or because I am entitled?

I know in my heart, you will feel guilt. I know if I make a show of my asks and needs, your guilt will grow. Am I bad person for wanting it to stay inside of you? To remind you to stick to your word, sitting in the corner of your mind always. Guide your actions. Prevent you from creating promises I did not ask for; ones I now expect because I trust you. Ones that dissolve in time because you forget. You sleep. And I stay awake and I feel myself preparing the hope of saying “it’s okay.”