Pajolo Cam

T/W : sexual abuse

The flames always caressed me. Became my friend in its constant comfort, licking away my tears. Put the power of perspective into my mind. The flames put control into my hands.

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The devil got me long before I was born. Forced me to believe, then robbed me of my innocence. Put its disease in my blood, they’re out here raping me. The devil got me long before I was born.

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So the flames put control into my hands. I loved to have sex and I loved to have it all the time.

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Mom said God said no sex. I don’t know why I can’t ever speak to God myself.

I learned how to pray from the ‘white teacher’ in the church we go to.

I prayed to be clean. I prayed to be a child. I prayed to start over. I promised to be better. I promised to be better next time. I promised that I will be better next time. God, I’ll be better next time. I promised to be better. Please give me something better.

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Constant comfort, the flames were incomparable. The flames love me no matter what I do. Licking away my tears, consuming me slowly. I love the flames, too.

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I felt God respond to me when I felt the most wretched. God a fury in my gut, scrambling my insides. Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!

He punishes me in the shallow feeling that follows after.

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The American devil holds his Bible and describes the stories that happen to me. Tales of rapes and the evil emanating, ostracizing me because I suffer. Look at my family and look at my home. Generation after generation, the disease is alive in my blood.

Where do you think that comes from?