Since moving out, I’ve smoked weed a lot less. It’s simple. I feel safer. Though living in this soberness feels like I am constantly chasing the present. Lagging behind, still processing. I’m working through it, getting ahold of it. I dream and I remember it all in the moment (it feels happy, sad, etc.). I wake up and I feel the same, but it is just tense (it feels happy, sad, etc.) and I am all rigid.
derealization-depersonalization
When I am high, I
autism
On YouTube.com, I keep happening to watch videos about figures in history who are autistic and/or queer.
- Hans Christian Andersen (Kaz Rowe)
- Emily Dickinson (Meeka le Fay)
- Dare Wright (Tor’s Cabinet of Curiosities)
Shoutout autistic people, including the creators of these videos.
derealization-depersonalization
I am high writing this entry. I realized I didn’t finish this section before moving onto the ‘autism’ section. Got excited!
I feel a lot when I am high. I’ve been noticing that in my recreational use. It’s been enjoyable… as well as terrifying.
(I feel so cold! And overwhelmed by the sound of the dishwasher!)
Today, I went to my job as a Person Who Can Have Conversations.
- Wrote a poem (it’s okay)
- Ate mangoes (thank you)
- Had time to study hair (yay)
derealization-depersonalization
I stand in front of the mirror and I can’t believe it! It’s me! I wonder if that’s strange to admit. I wonder if I care(!) I am existing as another queer person in history.
autism
I tend to go mad when the lights are too damn bright(!!!)
Pajolo Cam 
say something!