This website’s getting somewhere now! This theme is so beautiful. It’s called the Blue Screen of Joy, inspired by Microsoft Windows’s Blue Screen of Death screen indicating a system crash. How silly! I love love love it.
Joy is the name of my high-strung calico cat. Blue is my favorite color. This theme is perfect.
I spent the evening tinkering around this website, having fun with the different features, and establishing the homepage. As I was building this layout, I felt invigorated. These last few months have been a big lesson on letting go and the feeling of finality / closure.
Over a month ago, I moved into a new home, escaping the mental anguish caused by some incompetent and very strange roommates. Strange in a “how did you manage to get this far” sort of way. I won’t delve into it too much, but suffice to say, there was a rice cooker that was left moldy on the counter for over six weeks. Yes, SIX WEEKS! My partner and I left after living with these people for two months.
I moved out of my parents’ house in August 2024, and since then, I’ve lived in four different homes. It’s been tumultuous, to say the least… here I was, looking for emotional stability and grounding having left my dreary childhood home. Instead, I was met with some interesting characters throughout the year. And they all lived in my home(s)!!! Disrupting my sanctuary!!!
Over again, I encountered situations that sliced open old wounds from my past, fanning the flames of hurt and emotional turmoil. Still, I kept pushing. I focused on what brought me joy and the resources available to me. This is what keeps my spirit alive. The most significant resource we had was love.
We got lucky having such generous friends. Our life events had lined up beautifully; they were able to lend us a room to stay in while we were transitioning from the wretched Mold House to our current one. We stayed with them for almost two months, waiting on the lease from our new landlord and packing stuff into boxes.
In this hectic time, we found solace in sharing stories, food, and laughter with one another. Oh, the joys of human connection. Even a simple chore can be an act of care and understanding. “By the way, I swept the floors and took out the trash.” Two less things for everyone to worry about for the day. My, this gratification of providing where I can.
Now we’re pretty much settled in this new house. Today, we cleaned and organized. Tied up a lot of loose ends in terms of decorating and where things go. Then I spent the rest of the evening working on this website.
Somewhere along the busyness of life—catching up with friends, picking up extra shifts, building new routines, planning trips—the ghost of my woes have trickled away, through the cracks of having a stable home and support system. There have definitely been days of stress, resentment, and melancholy, though it truly gets easier with time. Still, my traumas affect me, but now I allow myself to be embraced by newness and possibility. I no longer have a need to keep my defenses up. I am brave because I am loved.
Pajolo Cam 
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